i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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