I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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