im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
