Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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