We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
