do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
