Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
