careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
