She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
