just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
BRING THE BAGELS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
