i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
