someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
