This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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