Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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