Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
