While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
