I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
