why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
