she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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