i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
