i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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