oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
