You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think people are normalizing furries
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
