OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
