Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
vagina is talking i cant
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
