My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
All I want is dick and wine.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
