just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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