i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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