I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
