The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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