I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
