Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
