You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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