Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
