i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
