I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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