i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we're making bets on your personal life
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
