but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
