I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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