i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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