Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
