What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
