Small penises have feelings too.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
