??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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