I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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