I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
