i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
