you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
