You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
