You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
