Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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