just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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