win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
