Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I could make wine with my vomit
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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