Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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